A Letter To My Dad

Dad,

I hope that wherever you are you're able to read this. I hate knowing that you can see me but I can't see you. There's no way I can ever speak to you again. Dad, I really miss your hugs. Sometimes the only thing I want is a hug from you and that will never happen again no matter what I do. When you were here you never let me shed a tear, but since you left I've had hundreds of tears streaming down my face every single night. I hate that every time I pick up the phone to call you I realize you won't be answering at the other end. A father is supposed to be the one man who won't ever hurt his daughter, but you hurt me Dad, you hurt me a lot. You hurt me by leaving. You hurt me without even saying goodbye. If I knew that one night saying "good night, I love you" would be the last time I got to say it to you I would have repeated it on the phone all night. You hurt me by not telling me about your heart. You lied Dad. Why couldn't you just tell me? You told me everything, every single little thing. If you told me we would be preparing to celebrate your birthday in 2 months. If you told me we wouldn't be here mourning your loss on the 1st anniversary of the day you left. You always told me you couldn't live without me and everything you were doing was for me. But you were selfish Dad. You were so selfish that you knew you couldn't live without me but you didn't stop for a minute to think about the fact that I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
You were always there. You were there when you had to do my hair before you dropped me off at pre-school. You were there when I got glasses in kindergarten. You were there when mom cut my hair too short and made me look like a boy. You were there every time I was sick. You were there every time I had a school project. You were there when mom couldn't be because she was at work. No one else was there but you. We were a team Dad, and you broke the team apart. Where are you now Dad? Where are you now that I'm nearly 23 and I need your help? When I used to cry for you, you'd run to me in a heartbeat. But where are you now? Where are you now when I cry and cry and cry hoping you'll come to my rescue? Where are you when I feel so trapped that an open field seems way too small? You were there when I couldn't even decide what colored shirt to wear to school the next day. You were there when I would want a toy but mom said no and you would buy it for me without telling her just to see me smile. Where are you now that my smiles are only temporary? Where are you when I'm figuring out some of the biggest aspects of my life? You were the only one who would ever understand how much pain I was in, so where are you now that I'm hurting on a daily basis? Where are you when I fall to the floor and cry in pain, the pain that was caused by losing you? Where are you even though you know that Mom will NEVER understand me and my pain? Where are you when I need you to read someone like a book and tell me their true colors before I experience myself? I don't know where you are, but you're not here, where you need to be. No matter what ANYONE tries to say, they don't understand and they never will... not even Mom. You were the only person I could cry in front of. Where are you now that I need you to hold me in your arms and tell me things are alright? Where are you to make those funny faces when I'm feeling my worst?
I fell to the ground today Dad. I fell to the ground and cried and screamed for you like I did the day I found out you had left me forever. You weren't there then and you weren't there today. You weren't there to pick me up like you were every time I wasn't smiling. There's an empty place in my heart Dad. I'm reminded of it every single second of my life. It's torturing me Dad. It's torturing me because you're not here to make the pain go away.  This place where Mom and I live, it no longer feels like a home. It simply feels like a house. It feels cold even when it's 90 degrees outside. When you left you took the warmth and everything else that made this place feel like home. I stare at your favorite spot on the couch. I stare at your watch and your glasses that I now have sitting next to my bed basically collecting dust, because you're not here to wear them. I stare at your favorite pen that you used to write with for hours and hours a day at work. It hasn't been touched since your last day on the job. I stare at your briefcase that you took everywhere with so much pride. Now it's just filled with meaningless paperwork. Thousands of words are typed out on those papers, your signature at the end of many of them. Those words now mean nothing. As much as I try to convince myself that you're still with us, you're not. That signature now symbolizes someone who used to be. It reminds me of how I would spend hours a day as a little kid scribbling on papers next to you pretending to do something important, just like you were.
You didn't know you wouldn't live to see the next morning. But how could someone who always made sure I took my medicines on time just casually forget to take his? If God gave me one more chance to see you I would hug you so tight and never let you go. There wouldn't be any possible way for you to slip away again. Daddy, my heart is still shattered into a million pieces and these pieces get smaller and smaller as time goes on. As much as I try to push myself to move on I can't. Sometimes I even wish I could have gone with you. Sometimes I lose the strength to move on and I just want to sit here and cry day and night, but I know I can't. You taught me better.

Even though I want to scream and cry every time someone mentions you, I keep my feelings bottled up and simply shrug and say "That's life".

As much as I miss you, I'm glad you're in a better place. I'm glad you're away from all of those who hurt and betrayed you. I'm glad now we see who truly cared for you, and who truly cares for us. I'm glad you don't have to fight the world anymore and you can finally be at peace.

My Journey to Healthier Hair!

I am SO TIRED of constantly straightening and curling my hair! After having side bangs for a few years and having to constantly straighten them I realized my bangs were way thinner than the rest of my hair. Let's take it back to the old days so I can tell you about the torture I put my hair through.

I've always had super thick, curly and frizzy hair. My mom would brush my hair out as a kid to give me an Indian-fro looking thing and put it into a tight braid or ponytail every morning before school. After a series of bad haircuts through the years, I FINALLY convinced my dad to get me a hair straightener when I was in 8th grade. I put on that puppy face and explained that my frizzy unruly hair was a 'distraction at school' because I would constantly have to fix it and having a hair straightener would make it easier to manage and he agreed (which is exactly why I asked my dad and not my mom. Dads don't really know what heat damage is :P)

As a lot of girls my age, I was constantly frying my hair with my straightener or curling iron and it got worse through the years. Now, I'm constantly trying to find different ways to cover my thinning hair at the front from those terrible bangs I had.

For years I've been trying to find ways to embrace my natural curls but nothing has worked until recently! Within the past month or so I've been starting to see a major improvement in my hair and I can finally wear it curly! Girls, with all of the damage we put our hair through, I think it's only fair to show it a little love as well. Here's what I do and I hope it works for you too!

I finally started taking my moms advice and reliving my childhood by using coconut oil in my hair! It worked as a kid and it STILL WORKS! Using 100% coconut oil is definitely the best way to go. I also add in a 5-10 drops of peppermint oil to stimulate my scalp and sometimes I'll add almond oil if I'm in the mood. This goes on my scalp and ends! On a typical hair oiling day I'll leave it in for at least 5 hours, but if I have nothing to do the next day I leave it in over night and wash it out the next morning.

You'll probably think I'm crazy, but most of you probably think that anyways so it's all good. To wash the oil out, I use Mane N' Tail. Yes, it's meant for horses, but humans can use it too. This shampoo is meant to thicken hair and keep it nice and shiny ( which us curly haired girls could use desperately). On days that I don't oil my hair, which is about every other time I wash my hair, I use the SheaMoisture shampoo and conditioner. Staying away from sulfates and harsh chemicals is key so I try to do that as much as possible.

 When I get out of the shower I use my fingers and a Tangle Teezer to get the millions of knots out of my hair. If you try to do this, BE GENTLE, because wet hair breaks easily, but I just don't have a choice unless I'm trying to rock a fro for the next few days. The only products I use when I get out of the shower are Moroccan Argan Oil and the Garnier Fructis Pure Clean Smoothing Cream if I'm keeping it curly or the Argan Oil and the Redken Extreme Anti- Snap Leave In Treatment (which was recommended to me by the only lady I would ever trust with my hair and THE sweetest makeup artist I know, Jassi Aunty!) if I plan on blow drying it straight.

And there it is! Hope this helps you curly hair ladies as much as it's helped me :)

Interview with producer Manni Sandhu

   I'm back with another interview and I have to say this was probably my best interview in a while. Anyone can tell just by reading Manni Sandhu's responses to my questions that he has a true passion for music which is clearly displayed in his work as well. From 'Door Ni Kulne' to' Sona' to "Friday' and now with 'Makhaul' he never disappoints his fans. I had the pleasure of interviewing Manni once before on my radio show and now we're back with some updates one year later!

    
     Where do you get the inspiration for every track you do? What was your inspiration for 'Makhaul'?

"It’s different every time. Sometimes I could be chilling with a singer and we randomly come up with a composition/lyrics. Sometimes a singer could approach me with a song already written that needs composing and recording – or it could even be a concept that I get a writer to complete, to which I then compose and approach a singer to record. I guess that’s what makes music special – every track has its own story. With Makhaul I met Akhil randomly in a studio in India – I took his number down and we stayed in contact. One day he sent me a clip of himself singing Makhaul and I was really feeling the lyrics/composition. At this stage I never thought this would be the lead single from my album, but once we recorded it and I did the music a lot of people around me were feeling the track. We always knew it wasn’t a commercial track but that was never something that concerned us – our main aim was to bring something fresh to the table. It’s crazy how the world works – if for some reason that day I wasn’t at the studio, me and Akhil would have never met and none of this would be happening right now."

          Which aspects of your songs do you believe make them unique and different from other tracks? What sets you apart from other producers in the industry?

"When I produce a track the process from the very beginning to the end is completed by myself in my own studio. I don’t go to professional music studios where there’s an engineer available to tweak sounds with expensive equipment to give me a better a sound. I’ve had to learn all of this on my own and it’s taken years for me to get my head around it. This experience has given me the ability to have a musical vision and be able to re-create it on my own. I like to think out of the box and make a song an experience rather than just following a standard structure – to me a song should be like a movie, there should always be something going on and full of emotion."

     What was the process you went through to turn the idea for 'Makhaul' into another hit Manni Sandhu track?

"Be creative and different in each and every aspect. I always try and make sure my music’s completely different to what’s currently being released in the industry. We also work our assess off. I’d be up until 4-5am producing the track, getting Akhil to re-do parts of the vocals, driving myself insane whilst mixing the track, going out to Punjab to do a 3 day videoshoot that would finish in the early hours every day. My brother Jazz would be contacting these major companies in Punjab and waking up at 5-6am to talk to them, handling all the business, doing all our PR, getting the track out to the right people, dealing with the video directors. There’s probably about 10-15 different versions of the Makhaul video. The directors would send over a cut which me and Jazz would sit and make changes to. Sometimes I would have to actually edit bits myself and send it back to them to show how we wanted it. We may not release a track every other month, but when we do we literally put our blood, sweat and tears into it. We’re very passionate about what we do."

          A couple people mistook you as a singer in the past. What was your initial reaction and how did you handle the situation?

"It was annoying and still is. I always made the effort to never mime in my videos so people wouldn’t think I’m the singer but that completely failed! My mates had a good laugh about it though – once at Amritsar airport this guy approached me and asked me to sing. My brother and Sangra Vibes kept saying “Yeah Manni, go on sing a song.” I was so pissed off I didn’t talk to them the whole flight back. I guess all I can do to overcome this is carry on putting out clips of me producing and playing instruments to show I’m involved in the creation of the music. Either that, or just become a singer (joke!)."

         When you started out as a producer, did you think that you would become as well known as you are now?

"I’ve never done music for fame and never will. A lot of people might say that but you need to look at my history. Before my first track 'Door Ni Kulne', I was producing music for 6 years and releasing songs/mixtapes online. I never used to get attention from people then but it didn’t bother me because all I wanted to do was release music and for people to listen to it. I’m not even gonna say I’m well-known now because none of that stuff concerns me – all I want to do is release music, and for people to listen, support, and enjoy. When popularity starts playing a part, things just become complicated and music isn’t as enjoyable."

          What is your favorite instrument or piece of equipment and why?

"It has to be the harmonium. Everything starts there – from composing music pieces to songs, it’s the base of every track."

          What do you believe is the key to success in the Punjabi music industry?

"Be original and have a story."

Do you receive a lot of support from your family? Also, do they treat you any differently now that you've attained all of this fame?

"My family have always supported my music – from day one. They’re really proud of me – whenever I release a track they’re always calling up family members and telling them to check it out. I don’t really like attention so when we’re at family’s house I try and avoid talking about music – but they’re always getting their phones out and trying to show people my video! So embarrassing! They definitely don’t treat me any different – I’m still the youngest son getting shouted at for making a mess around the house."

 What is your biggest pet peeve about the Punjabi music industry?

"People have been saying what’s wrong with the Punjabi music industry for years and years now – I remember reading interviews when I was a kid and people were talking about it then. The fact is that there’s always going to be something wrong with the industry. Me talking about it and complaining is just going to bring negativity towards me and make me look bitter. I think everything has a way of unfolding in the end. The artists that were releasing crap 10 years ago aren’t around now – only the talented ones from back then are. If you’re talented and you’re genuinely making good music now, you’ve got longevity on your side – you’ll be around for years whereas other people that do things for a couple of weeks of fame won’t. Let them have their couple of months of shine, and focus on the bigger picture I say."

 Are there any new projects coming up soon that you can tell us about?

"I’m working on a very exciting project. It’s called “Welcome to the Future” and it features a host of new talent from Punjab. I’ve been experimenting with my sound on this one so I’m really looking forward to people hearing it. A completely fresh album with new vocalists, and a new production sound – can’t wait for people to check it out. That should be dropping in July – after that I’m going to try and completely my album ‘Against All Odds’. There’s a lot going on – hopefully everyone that’s supported me from day one stick around to enjoy the ride!"

Australia's South Asian Music Sensation- Harlene

Hey everyone, I'm back! I had the opportunity to speak to Australian singer, Harlene following the release of her debut track, 'Dil Di Talashi', I've been following her on social media for quite some time now, and I found myself re-watching her singing videos because of her beautiful voice! It's great to see such a talented South Asian female begin to make her mark on the music industry. If you haven't checked out her single 'Dil Di Talashi' yet, I suggest you do so now :)

How did you start singing?

Harlene developed her musical taste and interest at a very young age and singing has always been her passion. She has had extensive vocal training during her school years, as part of the school choir where she performed at various shows and competitions. Harlene has been performing from a young age at cultural shows & events in Australia.

"In the last year I was the opening act for Bollywood artists Adnan Sami, Govinda, Pankaj Udhas ji & more. Last year I was called to Mumbai to audition for a Star Plus reality show ‘India’s Raw Star’ with Yo Yo Honey Singh and made the top 20. While performing I’ve received such an overwhelming response which has definitely given me determination to continue pursuing my passion."

You have a great fan base on social media. Do you have any tips on how to increase or maintain a good social media following?

"The key to my success has been to never give up, I have always appreciated each & every person who has followed & supported my music from Day 1. I post videos of my singing regularly to keep my audience entertained. My fan base continues to grow & I feel blessed to have such genuine support. I believe in myself & work hard which has gotten me to where I am today."

What was the process you went through to start and complete your debut track? What was your inspiration?

"I wanted to create a unique vibe that is different to what’s currently playing in the Punjabi market. My favourite genre of music has always been slow romantic jams so that was the starting point. I also knew the kind of music I wanted so I was very involved with the audio right through to researching the right video directors to execute it and finally taking my product to the label.

I believe you can achieve anything in life when you put your heart & soul into something, those are the inspiring words I follow. Life is full of opportunities; it’s what you make of it!"

When asked if she could name the top 3 people without whom this wouldn't have been possible, Harlene named her parents and producer of 'Dil Di Talashi', Popsy.

What do you think sets you apart from other singers and artists in the industry?

"I’ve never followed trends, I create them ;)

I am focused on delivering music for all ages to enjoy & to send a strong message to the youth to always work hard, follow your passion, maintain self respect & never give up!" 

What is your ultimate goal for your singing career?

"My biggest dream has always been playback singing for Punjabi films & Bollywood. I also aspire to release my album and have my own world tour!"

 Wondering what Harlene does when she's not singing?

"I have a Bachelor of Business (Accounting) degree and have worked as an Accountant in the corporate world. I am very family orientated and my other love in life other than singing is food " (You see why I love this girl?! Now I know who to ask when I need restaurant advice in Australia)

 What is the most memorable compliment you've received?

"Comparing me to my all time biggest inspiration Lata Mangeshkar ji, I was told from somebody that they haven’t loved a voice so much since hers, what bigger compliment can you get?!"

Did you ever think when you started singing that you would be able to make your debut into the industry in such a big way?

"I have always believed in my talent and knew that whenever I deliver a product, it’ll definitely be quality! Having the T-Series label launching my debut is the icing on the cake " Confidence is key!

Although Harlene can't reveal any info on upcoming projects yet, I'll be eagerly waiting for the news!