Saturday, October 18, 2014

They Say We Can't Be Happy

Part 2 of The Day I Lost My Best Friend.

These past few months have been an absolute roller coaster. Everyone's telling me they admire how strong I'm being but they don't realize that I don't have a choice.

They tell me not to cry, yet they're the ones crying.

They tell me I can get through this yet they're referring to my mom and I as "bechari" (Poor thing).

They tell me my Dad will always be with me, yet they talk about how my Dad left me alone.

I'm told that I have to take care of my mom and be the man of the house, yet they tell me that I'm a child and I don't know anything.

In a world and culture where elders are respected and openly voice their opinions, you can't really say much back. You realize how hypocritical people are when you're put in a similar position to what I'm in.

At the end of the day your loved ones want the best for you, but you need to think for yourself.

People are telling me to cry, not to cry, be strong, remember my dad, make him proud, take care of my mom and so many other things. Some keep bringing up the fact that my dad is gone. Others act as if he never left. It's not an easy situation to be in.

What does one do when they're given advice from opposite ends of the spectrum? In one ear and out the other. What I've realized ever since my dad passed away is that all that should matter to me is what my Dad would want and what's best for my mom and I. Not to say I don't appreciate everyone's love an support, but it's impossible to take every single persons advice.

I don't sit at home and cry. Yes, there are times when I miss my Dad and end up crying. There are times when I feel like the world around me is crashing down and I have no way to escape. BUT I always pick myself up. People die and loved ones leave you but LIFE GOES ON. The world will not stop moving because I lost my father and I for one don't want to get left behind.

People are telling my mom she can't wear red and orange because she's now a widow. I tell her to rock those colors in front of those people on purpose. Just because she lost her husband and I lost my father doesn't mean that we have lost our right to be happy. I hate how in traditional Indian society a woman's life revolves around her husband. My mom is her own person. Yes, she was my father's wife and the mother of his child, but those are not the only titles she holds. She is a hardworking, strong and fun loving woman and NO ONE is allowed to tell her otherwise. If they do, they need to come deal with me first. It's not the end of the world. LIFE GOES ON whether you like it or not.

Today after speaking to a girl named Jassi on Twitter who lost her father last month as well as a few friends who have lost loved ones throughout the past few months I've realized that I'm not alone. And to anyone else who's recently lost a loved one, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You're stronger than people may think and people will always be there to talk when you need them.

I will forever be my Dad's "Sher Putt" and no one can tell me otherwise.

RIP Dad. 10/01/1951-08/22/2014

Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Day I Lost My Best Friend

As most of you know the past month or so has been the absolute worst time of my life. I lost my father on August 22nd 2014. He went into cardiac arrest in his sleep in his apartment in Kentucky and was found the afternoon of the 22nd. The reason I want to share this story is because this is my way of getting my emotions out all in one place as well as to answer any questions family members or friends may have.


We had no idea there was anything wrong. I sat on the couch in my pjs eating ice cream out of the container and watched the movie Pardes on Zee TV. My dad and I usually spoke around noon every day, but that day he did not answer my calls or texts and I figured he may have been in a meeting, although I was a bit worried because I knew he hadn't been feeling so great, but I didn't think much of it. He usually at least texted me when he wasn't able to speak but I figured he had his reasons.

A friend who knew my dad in Kentucky messaged me saying that he found out my dad was really sick. That's when the doorbell rang. A police officer was at my door. He asked me if this was Ravi Kant's house and if I was his daughter then asked to come in, " What happened? I've been trying to call all day! Is he alright? Please say something!"

" I'm sorry to inform you that he's passed away" 

In that one moment my life shattered into a million pieces. I fell to the floor and screamed for my mom, who was sleeping. It obviously wasn't the best way for me to break the news to her but I wasn't in my senses. I asked the police officer to confirm the news with the police station in Kentucky, I was positive he was lying. My dad may have been in the hospital in critical condition for some reason, but he couldn't be gone. He can't leave me. His life LITERALLY revolved around me, everyone knew that. God couldn't take him from me. God could never be that cruel. But unfortunately the officer was right. My dad was gone. Just like that. Luckily my mom and I had both spoken to him the night before. Everything seemed perfectly fine. He spoke to my mom who wasn't feeling well and said " Don't worry just take your medicine and go to sleep, I'm going to bed too it's been a long day."

He left his store that night and seemed fine, except he was out of breath and his face was red. He told his employees that he was going home to take his heart medication and that he would be back at the store early in the morning to get some work done. The next morning when he didn't show up and didn't respond to anyone's calls or messages his employees sent someone out to go check his apartment. That's when they called the police and found him there in bed and clearly not alive.

I snapped out of panic mode just then, stopped crying and called our closest relatives and friends right away who rushed over. Within 2 hours our entire street was practically blocked off because of everyone who came by. My mother and I are truly blessed to have so many people in our lives who genuinely care about us, and who cared about my dad.

The officer then confirmed that my father had passed away due to natural causes, more specifically cardiac arrest. I knew he had been seeing a cardiologist a lot, but every time my mother and I asked what was going on he said it wasn't anything too serious. Something just came out a little odd in the tests so they were just double checking. We took his word for it considering the fact that he was an EMT for years and was extremely health conscious.

I'm going to end this here before I start crying. The rest of the story will be in Part 2 when I'm up for writing it. But if you and your families can take anything from my experience so far, please tell your family you love them every single day. I don't regret anything because my dad and I said I love you every single time we spoke.

And to anyone with any health related problems: PLEASE share what's going on with your family. You never know what can happen and it's always best to keep your loved ones informed rather than shocking them like my dad did. He had his reasons. He didn't want to worry us and he didn't think it was that serious. But I really do wish my dad had just told us what was going on before it was too late. Honestly speaking I don't even think my father had the slightest idea that he wouldn't be waking up the next morning. Life works in strange ways and whether you're ready for it or not, it constantly changes.

As for my mother and I, we're hanging in there. We're putting our brave faces on and are heading back into the world and back into our normal routines (or at least as normal as things can get now) stronger than ever.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Everyday Makeup Routine


The title is pretty self explanatory but DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT wear makeup every day! Just when I feel like looking a little better than usual or have somewhere important to go. I'm honestly just way too lazy to put on makeup every single day. Some days I'll just put on some concealer and mascara and im out the door.


For days when I have presentations or I'm just hanging out with friends, here's a step by step.


1. I apply a tiny bit of Cetaphil cream or any lotion with aloe vera to my face and neck. I know it's not meant for your face, but my skin is super sensitive so if I use anything else I'm pretty much screwed.

2. Next up I apply NYC face primer to my entire face, focusing mostly on my T-Zone (  the middle of my forehead, nose, cheeks and chin) 

3. After that I according to the weather, how important the event or meeting is, and how my skin is feeling I'll either pick up my Tarte BB Cream or my Garnier. Both are amazing but the Tarte gives me some extra coverage and has a much better consistency. I also feel like the Tarte one is more yellow toned and matches my skin better than the Garnier which is more pink. My Real Techniques stippling brush is absolutely amazing no matter what foundation or BB cream I use.

4. Next I use my Hardcandy concealer which matches my skintone almost perfectly and pat it on with my fingers. Once that's on I follow with my Harmon's under eye- roller ( Dupe for the Garnier) and pat it in with my ecotools concealer brush.

5. I use a big powder brush from Ecotools and my NYC loose translucent powder all over my face, followed by my Sephora bronzer with my Chanel angled blush brush on my cheeks and forehead as well as a bit on my neck. I use the same Chanel brush and pick up a light peach blush, placing it on top of the bronzer on my cheeks.

6. For eyes I use my Wet n Wild Eyeshadow Primer followed by an eyeshadow about two shades lighter than my skin tone that I put on the lid with my finger, then a Real Techniques blending brush with an eyeshadow 2-3 shades darker than my skin tone for my crease. 

7. Next is my Elf gel eyeliner with an angled brush and my L'oreal False Fiber Lashes mascara.

8. Eyebrows: Dark Brown eyeshadow and an angled brush have always worked for me

9. Top it off with a lipgloss and I'm done!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Kentucky: No KFC, But Many Lessons.

Yeah yeah, I know it's been ages since my last blog post and the majority of people seeing this won't be interested thinking this is another rant about my life, but I'm going to write anyways. But first off, I have not seen ONE KFC in Kentucky! (Kentucky Fried Chicken fast food restaurant.

 Over the past few months my family has been on the craziest, scariest and seemingly never ending roller coaster. My dad's been taking multiple business trips to find a property to invest in and in May, he moved to Kentucky when he found one he was interested in and with the help of some local Punjabi business owners, he found THE business for him. My family practically fell apart, which is what a select few people who are "close" to us secretly wanted all along. But what they don't know is that as much as the three of us may not get along, we're going to come back stronger.
For almost 2 months I've been the "man of the house", taking care of bills, the house, cars and anything else that my dad would do while he was still at home. I realized how time consuming it is to take care of daily household tasks. From sending my dad his mail, to doing a lot of his online and paperwork from home I was practically running half of the business from the comfort of my bedroom. It all seemed so easy. 
A week ago my mom announced that she took a week and a half off from work and wanted to visit my dad. Shaking my head, I thought this would NOT be a good idea, at all. My mom (like most moms) tends to interfere in everything and stress us out 20x more than we already are so I had a feeling this trip would be a nightmare. Plus, I get anxiety if there's no Desi's around so leaving New Jersey for a week and a half definitely wasn't my idea of fun. We left home at 5am on Monday.11 long hours, 3 stops for gas and an embarrassing Subway trip later, we got to the business, 1 hour earlier than planned. 

As soon as I walked in I gave my dad the biggest hug ever, bigger than the hug I gave him right before he left home. Let's just say I'm surprised I didn't TOTALLY suffocate him. I finally see that running your own business, specially for the first time is not easy by any means, but I also see that my dad has put his heart and soul into what he's doing. He treats his employees ( even the shady ones) more like family than employees and the people who see him regularly truly do respect and appreciate his efforts. Everyone's constantly telling me how hardworking and sincere he is and how he's improved things at the business so much since he took over. Although he's works 16 hours 7 days a week and stays constantly stressed out, I can see that he's truly happy with what he's doing.
One of our employees is probably the sweetest person I've met here. She's told me about the best places to eat and I have to say she's the most honest person working with my dad. I'm truly happy that someone's keeping an eye out for him when we're far away. I wish I could remember all of the details that I wanted to mention but 1. I think this post is long enough and 2. I've been so busy that I've forgotten half of what I had in mind.
By the way if you're ever in Kentucky, try this soda called Ale8. It's so bomb and it's a locally manufactured soda that's only available in this state.

Oh and I did meet one Punjabi customer who I gave a free soda to because I was just that grateful to see another Punjabi around here.
I've also developed a slight Southern Accent over the past few days AND I've gotten some people here addicted to Punjabi music. This trip has been an amazing break from my everyday routine and it's definitely helped me think about what's more important in life.

Lesson 1: Family is everything. Even a small suffocating 1 bedroom apartment can feel like home if you're with your loved ones. Sounds corny AF but it's so true and I realized that this week.
Lesson 2: If you do what you love, you can overcome anything no matter how difficult
Lesson 3: People in the South are some of the nicest people you'll ever come across
Lesson 4: Do NOT push the red button behind the counter because the cops will rush over.

Lately I've also been dealing with some personal issues. I've realized that 99% of the people I come across can not be trusted and are only befriending me for their personal benefit which I'm just not cool with, so I've been slowly filtering un-needed and toxic people out of my life. Sometimes you need to stop thinking about how much others need you and focus on yourself because in the end of the day most friends, or family even will forget what you've done for them in the past and chances are that the majority of them won't be there when you fall (speaking from experience). Is my circle of friends much smaller? Yes. Do I get bored a lot? Yes. Is it easy accepting that some people just don't truly care? No. But am I a much happier person overall? Yes.


If anything semi interesting happens in my life I'll be back then, but until then be happy and do Bhangra! In the mean time check out some recent pieces I wrote for Brown Girl Magazine!
 "Leh!" By Superwoman and Humble the Poet
Interview with Mickey Singh

Friday, April 18, 2014

Sick and Tired


I'm sick and tired of people thinking that learning to cook is more important than my career.
I'm sick and tired of everyone being friends with me for the wrong reasons.
I'm sick and tired of people not taking me seriously because of my age.
I'm sick and tired of people saying that my hard work will never amount to anything.
I'm sick and tired of people thinking my love for bhangra is all an act.
I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that the South Asian entertainment industry is only for men.
I'm sick and tired of trusting the wrong people.
I'm sick and tired of being taken advantage of because of my kindness.
I'm sick and tired of people assuming that my job is easy.
I'm sick and tired of my family underestimating me.
I'm sick and tired of my sister being halfway across the world.
I'm sick and tired of some people taking advantage of my weaknesses.
I'm sick and tired of some other people thinking they can take shots at me and that I have no feelings.
I'm sick and tired of constantly having to prove myself.
I'm sick and tired of being people's "therapist".
I'm sick and tired of having those same people I help turn away when I need them.
I'm sick and tired of being constantly treated like a child.
I'm sick and tired of being too nice to people.
I'm sick and tired of being bitched at when I've done nothing wrong.
I'm sick and tired of being misunderstood.
I'm sick and tired of wasting my breath giving advice when asked, when in the end they'll just disregard it.
I'm sick and tired of people pretending to care.
I'm sick and tired of not being able to realize who's fake and who's real.
I'm sick and tired of people telling me how to step up my professional game but not having anyone to give me the push I need.
I'm sick and tired of empty promises.

I wasn't trying to be poetic or anything I promise! And for those of you who care I'm not depressed or sad or being a dukhi aatma or anything along those lines. This is just some things that I've been dealing with that I just had to vent about.


Life is a learning process and for a while now I've been learning about who's real and who's not. I've had countless people try to befriend me for my so-called "connections" (I really don't have any so they're just stupid). I've had plenty of people use my shoulder to cry on who have disappeared when I needed them and plenty of people who just come to me when they're looking for some sort of attention. Don't get me wrong I genuinely love to help people, but sometimes it becomes a bit much. If you're going to constantly come crying to me about the same situation  and ask for my advice but don't take it, there's only so much I can do. I've realized that a lot of these people are just looking for attention. Everyone has their needs, that's cool. BUT constantly having to worry about other people's problems is just way too exhausting, then I wonder why I never have time for myself
One lesson I've learned : Being a bit selfish is never a bad thing.
If you're helping a friend with a situation there's nothing wrong with supporting them or being there for them, but don't forget about yourself. Don't do so much for others that you become overwhelmed with things that you have to take care of for yourself.
In this indsutry, everyone will take. They'll take your contacts, ideas, advice and anything that can benefit them like free promotion or sponsorships. Very rarely do people give back. Many people are the best actors and can be very sneaky but it's not long before they show their true intentions.
As nice as I am and as much as I try to help others I've realized that I need to look at my benefit in every situation. What am I getting by helping this person promote their event, or what am I getting for getting someone in contact with an artist or a sponsor? As much as I hate to do this, no one is going to help me or give me anything in this industry unless I take it myself. Specially because of my age people think they can get me to do things for them for free like promote their event or business, or MC their event. It doesn't work like that. This industry has unfortunately taught me that I need to be selfish. Of course there are times when I will go out of my way to help someone who has been genuinely helpful and honest to me, but for those I barely know, they should not expect much from me. I'm honestly done stressing, sacrificing time with my family and my relaxation time for people who will not even give me so much as a 'thank you' in return. Make time for the friends and people who make time for you. Realizing all of this has helped me throw many un-needed people out of my life.


Once again I swear I'm not a dukhi aatma.

To those friends who have truly and genuinely been there for me, I love you. This is just to show girls feeling left out that you're not alone. The world is a cruel place, but it's up to you to change it into positive motivation to reach your goals. I'm not upset that I've dealt with this stuff like most people do, it's made me a stronger person. I was gullible and oblivious and now I'm learning about the real world getting ready for the next step towards reaching my goals. I'm super content with where my life is right now and I just want everyone else to feel the same way :)

Friday, February 28, 2014

The RIGHT Role Models



Hey everyone! So I know I've been totally missing in action lately, but honestly speaking nothing exciting has really happened in my life except for the fact that I just got hired as BhangraReleases.com 's newest journalist. Before I get into the main topic of this post here's some events I'm promoting and some other stuff that you might want to check out if you're in the area:
March 6th - Association of Punjabi Students at Rutgers University- Basant Blowout featuring performances by Virsa: Our Tradition, Anakh E Gabroo, RU Dhol Effect and the very talented Bikram Singh! For tickets and more information check out Eventholds.com.

March 8th: Woman's Day event at Royal Alberts Palace in New Jersey with an appearance by Miss America, Nina Davuluri

March 11th: RU Thaakat's event Ghaane for Ghana featuring a performance by my homie Mickey Singh

March 22nd: World's Best Bhangra Crew with performances by Mickey Singh and Amar Sandhu.



Okay now to the actual post. Lately I feel like I've been inspired by some of my favorite and most positive role models all over again. Some of you may already know who they are. I've just kind of felt crappy lately because I took a little break from hosting and all and now I'm back at it again! In a society where young girls look up to people like Miley Cyrus, it's time to bring attention to some POSITIVE influences.

The first woman I want to talk about is the one person who everyone knows I cannot live without, my sister Jasmine. She is my most favorite person in the entire world and she's going to India to visit family for like two months which is going to feel more like an eternity without her. I admire Jasmine so much because she literally always sees the good in people. Seriously, they could be the most terrible person in my opinion and she will still try to find something nice to say about them which I love, and that's a quality I want to adapt. I feel as though overall being positive about everything like she is will make me a lot happier and give me less stress. And although she has it all, the height, the looks and the perfect personality she is the most down to Earth person I know. Jasmine if you're reading this come back from India ASAP because I'll be crying my eyes out until you return.


Next is Superwoman aka Lilly Singh. Most of you know I've been a huge fan of hers since day 1. I remember when I met her she seriously just gave off the most positive vibes whenever she entered the room, always giving others a reason to smile, love others and love themselves. She's also doing amazing things in Mumbai right now, meeting Kapil from Comedy Nights, Madhuri, Juhi Chawla and Jazzy B. Like seriously, how freaking awesome is that. She also made some great videos in collaboration with other Youtubers during her time in LA. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next. In her videos she often depicts what other people are thinking, but would never admit which is both eye opening and hilarious.


These next two women have both always been amazing role models in my life. They're TV hosts in the South Asian entertainment industry AND mothers. Seriously, anyone who can balance family life AND a career this demanding deserves a gold metal. These two women are Gurmeet Sodhi and Nisha Mathur. I've had the pleasure of working with both of them recently and they're two of the most humble, genuine and hardworking people I've ever met. They both strive to empower women to stand up against injustices in our society and they're both doing a great job at it. Check out Nisha Mathur's show Shades of Shakti on TV Asia on March 8th at 8pm!
I'm going to be very brief about this next amazing woman just because I interviewed her for Brown Girl Magazine and I'd rather have you guys read that when it's up. She's known as the 'Khatarnak(dangerous) Dholi' of Texas and her name is Hardeep Sandhu. She's amazing at playing the dhol and is so caring that I feel like I've known her my whole life even though we've never met. She's always given me genuine advice and such great moral support. There seriously needs to be more people like her in the world, oh and shes absolutely hilarious. Hardeep has also proved society wrong by finding true love despite being in the desi entertainment industry, she's engaged! http://www.browngirlmagazine.com/2014/04/hardeep-sandhu-dholi-girl/ HERE'S THE LINK TO THE INTERVIEW :)


I'm actually really tired and haven't been sleeping well lately so I'm going to attempt to knock out. I'll be back with more soon. Hope you all enjoyed this post!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Kithe Mar Gayi? (Where did you go?)

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been so M.I.A. lately. Everything's been super hectic with exams, the holidays, random family trips and a bunch of other things.


I quit my job at Old Navy because waking up at 4am to work 6-8 hour shifts really wasn't for me. It sucks that I no longer have a part time job but I think my health is so much more important. I felt my health getting worse and worse and barely got any sleep. So yeah, I'm done with that.

Also, I went to Boston with my parents to see my massi's new house and went out with my cousins for the first time. Because I can, legally. Because I'm like 21. I feel cool. The entire time I felt like a total badass even though I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I still feel like I'm not 21. Hopefully that feeling goes away soon.

I got to go to my first legit New Year's party. It was hosted by the organizers of Bhangra In The City, which is a weekly Desi party held at Pranna in New York, which I happen to promote. It was held at Bowlmor at Chelsea Piers in NYC and had over 1200 people attending so technically it was my first real partying experience. I got to see some friends and family there and I had a great time over all. The best part was the fact that I came home at 4am and didn't even get yelled at.

Also as most of you may know already I just started writing for Brown Girl Magazine(their twitter account is linked and here's their Facebook page). At the beginning of Winter break I had the opportunity to meet up with some of the other writers and editors of Brown Girl Magazine for brunch in NYC (or' drunch' as the restaurant called it). We all had an amazing time and instantly knew that we had formed a little BGM family as soon as we all agreed that we were still hungry after brunch. It was a group of 6 of us, 5 girls and one guy. (Yes there is a guy on the team. Shoutout to Farooq for looking like a total boss). I also got to meet my friend Sindhuri who I've known for a good 5 years, but this was the first time we actually met as well as Christine and Kamini! Trisha, the managing editor at BGM (yes we have the same name, HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?) and I brainstormed a bunch of ideas and topics for me to write about so I'm super excited to share everything with you all. We recently recorded an interview with DJ Rekha on my show Bhangra Beats and got to have an interview for Brown Girl Magazine that same day. It was seriously pretty cool because I've been looking up to DJ Rekha ever since I was a little girl. I also wrote my first piece for the magazine called  Bhangra Teams: Girls Vs. Boys( linked) which I'm really excited about because you guys know how much bhangra means to me. Big shoutout to Shaan Muteyara Di Bhangra Club, Nehriyan Bhangra and New England Bhangra Club for their help and support.


In other news, I got to be in a music video, and that too with my sister Jasmine! Anyone who knows me knows that Jasmine is my life and my other half. If there's one person I can talk to about literally anything in the world, it's her, so the opportunity to work with her was such a blessing. G-Deep, an extremely talented singer and music producer is getting ready to release his album and is currently shooting some music videos and Jasmine was the main lead in one of them, so naturally G-Deep's wife Kiran contacted me to play her best friend. It was such a difficult role ( note the sarcasm). I had to wake up at 7:30 to get ready for the shoot but I didn't even mind because I was so excited. Everyone was super sweet, specially G-Deep and Kiran and of course Jasmine and I took tons of selfies. I'll definitely post the link to the video when it's out.


I have a couple more things in the works that I don't want to mention until everything is finalized but I promise I'll be back soon, for those of you who actually read my blog. LOL.
P.S.- I'm thinking of writing a post about my makeup routine for everyday and parties, or my makeup routine for the shoot. What do you think ?